A Word on Holidays, Chasing Happiness, and Weighing In

in no particular order

I’ve been a health and wellness coach for over 15 years now, so that means I’ve engaged in thousands of hours of conversation (if you were to add it all up) about bodies and navigating the ‘holiday season’ — usually centered on how much a person’s body weighs (and the feelings folks have about that), how much weight somebody wants their body to lose (and the feelings that come along with that desire), and how frustrating it is to want something that often feels too hard to reach. The time around the year end holidays is ripe with wellness challenges: feasts abound, people figure they’ll start over come January, there’s just too much going on to care much about ‘eating clean’ or to get the rest that you truly need. It’s time to celebrate or grieve. Weight loss program ads start running before Christmas, and guilt for indulging runs high. Feelings are eaten. Food is comfort and the enemy at the same time. Joy and good tiding make some wish they were hiding.

That’s a broad sweep, of course — not everyone struggles with weight or maintaining healthy boundaries around the holidays. Some folks get plenty of rest in December, and many do indeed truly enjoy all the parties. But based on my 15+ years of professional coaching experience, a great many struggle to move through the last 30 days of the calendar year feeling like they want to feel.

So here are my favorite things to tell anyone who’s stuck thinking about the number on the scale, anyone who’s beating themselves up over choices made, anyone who is feeling hard feelings, or just wishes the year were already done.

For Holiday Guilt:

As we continue to move through this last month of the year, consider these words from poet Mary Oliver:

“You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.”

I’m with Jessica Kantrowitz when she says, “You don’t have to repent of eating, you don’t have to atone for resting. Your body is your own dear friend — it asked for nourishment, rest, and comfort and you gave it those things. Wake up the next day at peace, safe and warm, in no need of restitution.”

That’s it, that’s the post.  Here’s to ending the year being friends with your physical self.

For Scale Woes

"I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile.  I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life. The scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life.” —Steve Maraboli  

Good advice, that. 

While it's true that weighing in can be a fine measurement tool (for some), being healthy and fully living life is about so much more than what the scale says.  "Tool" is a key word here....and that number that comes up on the tool, is simply that— a number.  It's not a reflection of your value as a person —even if you never lose another pound— and it never will be.  So on the hard days when the scale refuses to budge or seems to be an insurmountable foe, remember this: Don't give the scale more power than it has earned.

For Hard Feelings

Dominant culture, especially in the United States, likes to label this time of year as “the holiday season” — but not everybody celebrates the same holidays, and certainly not at the same time of year. Even if you observe the most widely recognized holidays, it’s not always a joyful season.

Think about happiness for a moment: at the end of the day, that’s often what we're chasing, right? 

I like to think of it like this: Life includes hardship, failure, and suffering. But joy can exist right there in the midst of chaos. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, like a burst of atmospheric energy. It’s like a cloud, coming and going, just like all the other feelings you experience. So don't hesitate.  When those bits of happiness pay you a visit, accept them with gusto.  As Mary Oliver, wrote, “Joy is not made to be a crumb.”

Don’t chase happiness—instead let joy sneak up on you, taking its place in that vast array of emotions. Notice the little glimmers that bring hope.  Acknowledge what makes you smile, even if it sits right next to a hard thing. Accept that you can experience joy and sadness at the same time.

This the last stanza of a poem in Slouching toward Radiance.

May your December be one of just the right amounts of the sort of atmospheric energy you most need to thrive. Or at least make it through to the end of the year.