We all live in bodies, and we all experience living in those bodies differently. Some of us are satisfied with our current experience, and some of us are trying really really hard to change that experience so it feels different. Consider the stories that you tell yourself about your body, or that your body has told YOU, through feelings, through media, through relationships, over the course of your life–some of them are positive, and some (perhaps many) of them aren’t. Here’s the thing: Stories can be archived. And stories can change.
Virginia Sole-Smith said, in a recent interview: “....when you consider [all] the narratives we have around weight gain and changing bodies —the post-baby body, the aging body, the pandemic body—so often, the framing is ‘I need to lose weight because I just want to feel like myself again.’ But what if we all grew up knowing that our bodies can change (because all bodies change!) and we can still be ourselves?”
Thanks to twenty years immersed in the realm of health and wellness, I have worked with a lot of people who are seeking transformation. They want something different. And they tend to echo each other.
I want to feel good in my skin.
I want to feel confident in my appearance.
I want to have more energy.
I want to keep up with my children, my job, my life.
I want to take up space in a way that feels right and good.
I want to feel good so I can do good.
People rarely say those last two verbatim, but it’s what I hear beneath what they’re saying. It’s a common human desire to feel like we matter, to feel like we are doing what we want to be doing.
We all want to feel like we have the confidence we need to live the life we have been given and use our life energy for what feels right to us.
Of course, we didn’t all grow up knowing that we remain ourselves even when our bodies change, whether that change is due to normal developmental shifts to situational weight gain to illness to the simple fact of aging. The message of “thin is best” and “your body is a project to perfect” and “age gracefully” is persistent and pervasive in dominant culture. But what if we could know that now, no matter the season of life we’re in? A tall order, perhaps–but what I want to say to you today is that your body isn’t a project. There is no “best” when it comes to body shape or size or duration. Bodies change, they lose and gain weight, they get sick and recover, they age. No matter how your body has changed, is changing, or will change in the future, you are still you.
People rarely say those last two “I wants” verbatim, but it’s what I hear many of them saying. We all want to matter, to feel like we are doing what we want to be doing. We all want to feel like we have the confidence we need to live the life we have been given, and use our life energy for what feels right to us.
Consider the possibilities of this statement: Feeling whole in your body, no matter what its current state, is the gateway to accessing your full power. Read that again: Feeling whole in your body, no matter what its current state, is the gateway to accessing your full power.
You are whole, right now, this minute. As mentioned in last week’s post, you’re valuable right now, and that’s the truth. Take some time today, or over the next few, to reflect on your own body story: what do you appreciate about the story you’re telling or being told? What needs a rewrite? Consider what else is possible when it comes to accessing what you need in order to thrive.
It’s not easy to do, but seeing the lines that etch your skin, the folds of softness that accumulate over the years, the smoothness that gives way to more texture–seeing these changes not as a sign of decline, but rather as a sign of accumulating wisdom and a gathering of depth allows you to access your full power. And when you can do that, you’re more likely to add to the healing of the world.
Today, I’d invite you to consider (and share in the comments if you feel so moved) something that makes you who you are. Perhaps even something you’re accepting about yourself that others (or the media) don’t always encourage. Because, as Audre Lorde said, “Nothing I accept about myself can be used to diminish me.” Accept, claim the true stories, and rise.