Leaves rustle in the breeze, and I can hear them fluttering about thanks to the open sliding door to the back deck. I’m in the kitchen, just having finished shelling some peas into a little wooden bowl—an act that transported me to a South Dakota prairie kitchen 40 years ago. As the peas dropped into my little wooden bowl in July 2025, I could also hear them pinging into the big silver bowl mom used to shell them into when I was a little kid. In July 1985, she and I take the big silver bowl from the kitchen and move out to the back patio to sit in the sun. The bricks are warm underfoot where another bucket of peas waits to be shelled. But there’s a breeze, and the shade of the house keeps things cool enough. I was here, in 2025, but I was also there, in 1985, the simple act of growing peas and shelling them into a bowl connecting the experiences, memory and presence coexisting.
I like that memory, it’s one I’m happy to remember. Not all memories are like that though—most folks have some combination of happy to sad to painful to peaceful to a whole host of other descriptors filling up the memory bank.
Memory is a funny thing—it shifts and changes, even though the experience that was had doesn’t. What happened happened as it did, even if everyone there recounts it differently. Sometimes memory and presence coexist peacefully. Other perspectives and recollections can be helpful in getting the full picture. Sometimes memory and presence fight. We don’t always want to keep all the memories we do, or maybe we want others to remember something differently than they do. Sometimes memory slips away and all a person has left is the here and now. That’s not something we can control.
What we can control, no matter what has happened up until right now, is how we live from here.
This is my cue to tell you how to do life right from here.
So here goes.
HOW TO DO LIFE RIGHT
First, be wary of anybody claiming to know how to do life right. Next, truly consider what you want and don't be afraid of the answer, (or the lack of one if you don't know). Underlay this with a healthy dose of kindness and respect for the person you've been until now, and the one you're still becoming. Be gentle with the memories that feel breakable, or those locked away-- you don't have to tend them all at the same time. Allow the ones that need to be held close a place to bubble up, and if they spill over, witness the layers, the texture, the life-force finding a way to marry then and now, a joining of all that has been with all that is yet to be, remembering and being present in a way that works for you: a study in doing life right.
UPCOMING SUMMER EVENTS
Book Fair for Grown Ups
At Rustic Roots Winery, Sunday July 27, 11-3. I’ll be there with some books. Come explore the vines and chat books with the 40+ bookish vendors and authors who will be present. Have wine, or not, that one’s up to you.
Women Outdoors at Springbrook Nature Center: Connecting with Nature for Wellbeing
Do the words "slow" and "summer" feel too far apart to ever meet? If summer's pace feels like too much, spend an evening with author Heidi Barr to cultivate the pace that supports being fully present for the season. Meet in the Springbrook Nature Center Pavilion at 6pm on Wednesday July 30, where we'll gather, do some introductions, and spend some time with simple reflection and mindfulness practices before heading out on a mindful hike. We'll close our time together with some gentle stretching and poetry. Participants must be 16 years of age or older to register. Registration required through Springbrook Nature Center: Register Here.