A Timely Decline

when growth and elderhood collide

This Autumn, let something die. I first read that phrase by Asia Suler¹ a few years ago.  Every time I read it again, it makes me reflect on why [most of us] are so afraid of death, of letting things go, of decline, of allowing something that has run its course to fade into whatever lies beyond.  It makes me wonder how to exist in a world that is so intent on holding on, be it to constant personal growth, the quest for happiness, or the ideal way of inhabiting a human body on the planet earth.  There are, of course, opportunities for learning new things – for growth – throughout a human lifespan.  It goes without saying that walking with a loved one or beloved pet or dear friend as they near the end of life is one of the hardest things there is. Leaving a cherished homeland or vocation can be heart-wrenching. Yet there is also a place for allowing what is to simply be what is.

After almost nine months of searching, applying, networking, interviewing², doing ‘interview assignments’, networking some more, and following up after communications dry up³, I’ve accepted a new job. While this is clearly good news on the financial front, it’s laced with uncertainty and mixed emotion. It’s been a strange season. All the “free time” while unemployed has had its benefits, but I’ve also often felt stuck and uninspired to do much of anything. I welcome the opportunity to dig into something new (while being paid a living wage) but I’m also experiencing a bit of anticipatory grief. I’ll be working a regular shift onsite, which will be a big shift after 15 years of working from home keeping mostly my own schedule. Granted, the facility I’ll be going to starting in November is only three miles from my house. But somehow already I miss mornings in my office (even though I rarely ACTUALLY worked in my office in the morning…), being home when my daughter gets off the bus/during the summer months, and being able to ski around the lake or hike at lunchtime.⁴

Autumn is all about the process of decline.⁵  The leaves finish their growing, peak in a yellow or red or orange brilliance, and fall the the ground. In doing so the earth comes into the elderhood of the seasonal cycle.  Deciduous trees don’t try to keep their foliage green and growing all the time — they let those leaves fall every year and gain the sort of wisdom a tree needs in doing so.

Transitions are tricky, as you probably know and have experienced yourself. Not many things are all good or all bad—there are layers and nuance and different ways of looking at or responding to what’s going on. Going back to work after nine months is going to be a challenge, and it’s going to force me to grow in ways I’m not able to recognize just yet. And going back to work after nine months is going to require a letting go of what was, or what ‘could have been’ had I gotten the job I [thought] I wanted more. Evolution as a human doesn’t always happen how we think it should. Actually, let’s be honest…it doesn’t often happen how we think it should.

“Elderhood is the antidote to personal growth,” author Stephen Jenkinson says.  An antidote for personal growth?  Dominant culture doesn’t usually declare growth a problem. “Growth mindset” seems to be the desired state of being.  (I worked briefly at a part-time entry level health advising job about a month ago, and I was encouraged to adopt a “beginner’s mind.”⁶) Shatter your ceiling, we say.  Sky’s the limit, we proclaim. Never give up, we advise.  Luckily for us, the earth doesn’t listen to such advice and continues with its timely decline, year after year. According to Jenkinson, “There is something about limit and ending that conjures elderhood from age.”  If we pay attention to that cycle, we can learn something about what it could mean to truly come of age.

I’m not planning to shatter any ceilings or cultivate a [constant] beginners mind as I step into this next season. I will be open to learning new things, yes, of course. But I’m going to do my best to use the limits and endings I’ve experienced over the past nine months (and so far in life) to conjure the wisdom can be gained from acceptance and allowing something to die. My hope is that doing so will allow me to step fully into this next phase of life more grounded and rooted in the story that’s still unfolding.

There is a time for growth and cultivation. There is a time for fully using what is harvested from those efforts.  And once things have run their course, there is a time for decline. So, taking Asia’s advice, this autumn, let something die.  Just try it on.  Learn what you need to learn, grow how you need to grow, but let go of what needs to fade, too. I’ll be doing it along with you.

Let go of the feeling that you are somehow not good enough.
Because every imperfect apple that lays soft in your hands, and every ray of low Autumn sunlight that warms you through woolens will tell you a different story, a much truer story. The story that you are more, much more, than enough. That you bless this world simply by being alive. -Asia Suler

Remember that last sentence. You bless this world simply by being alive. Being alive and constant growth are not the same thing. Being alive means embodying a full cycle: growth, blossoming, harvest, and decline.

Reflection point: What do you need to let go of right now? Consider what needs to fade, or what is trying really hard to do so. Where are you holding on too tight? What can you set down to move through this season with grace and humility?

**part of this post was adapted into a chapter in Collisions of Earth and Sky.

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EVENT NEWS:

Monday, October 21; Moon Palace Books, Minneapolis, MN

Chris La Tray

, Krissy Kludt, River Maria Urke, and I will be at Moon Palace Books at 6:30pm for a dialogue about the Stories from the Trail anthology, other recent work and other things we’re thinking about at that point in the year. Event is in person, and Minneapolis is usually very lovely to visit in mid-October.

1. Asia’s apothecary was destroyed by the flooding that swept away much of Marshall, NC due to Hurricane Helene. They are taking donations for flood relief, so if you’d like to help, you can do so here: https://asiasuler.com/product/hurricane-relief-donations/

2. If you haven’t been in the actively looking for work market lately….these days interviewing means having at least three interviews, typically adding more people [to impress/get to like you] each meeting, and more often than not, completing some sort of [often quite involved] assignment to demonstrate how you’d perform. The average time between application and final interview for me was three months, and now I have a portfolio of pretend work projects.

3. Turns out “ghosting” is also quite common—if you’re hiring, don’t do this if you can help it, especially after someone goes through a series of interviews. A simple, ‘you’re no longer being considered’ is infinitely better than just no longer responding to someone (who has likely been looking for a job for a long time).

4. If it actually snows this year, I can probably just bring my skis to the office and ski around the lake in front of the wellness center. Here’s hoping anyway.

5. You may know this already…

6. Beginner’s mind can be really helpful. But when you have 20 years of experience, it gets weird to be continually told to adopt a ‘beginner’s mind”. Obviously there is always something new to learn. But seriously.