Hiraeth
And a Swiftie Cento
Hiraeth
Welsh; loosely translated to mean to be homesick for a place you have never been
I’m listening to a bittersweet symphony
songs from the 90s filling the evening
as I look at a sunset photograph,
unfamiliar trees reaching
toward fading rainbows of light
& I want to be walking that road
gazing at those distant hills—
another version of bittersweet,
the sort that rises from being fully
content where you are, while longing
to be a place you’ve never been,
remembering eras gone by,
magic of the mystical unknown
& energy of another time
the undercurrent of the song.1
My 12 year old found my high school yearbook last night, and we spend a while paging through it, and though I don’t wish to go back in time, I do miss aspects of those days in the 90s when the closest thing anyone had to a mobile device was a giant bag phone that was only to be used in emergencies. Only one person had one of those, and the rest of us somehow survived life as teenagers and young adults in a state of technological disconnection. I’ve written about this repeatedly, so I won’t belabor the point, but that’s what I miss—the disconnection that lead to greater presence and engagement in real time. I want that for kids today, the capacity to find things to do that aren’t facilitated by individualized technology. Maybe that’s the place I’ve never been in the poem above, but a place I want to go to—the place where technology and humanness can co-exist in harmony. Sometimes it feels like I’ve found a slice of it, but it requires constant vigilance.2
Anyway, all of this to say we looked at old photos and I told some old stories and then we listened to Taylor Swift, whose musical career started well after I was out of high school, but whose music will surely be around for my daughter’s. Maybe even as part of her own bittersweet symphony when she looks back in 25 years.
In my Writing the Wild course, one of our prompts this month was to write a “cento” which is a form of poetry that takes single lines from other bodies of work to compile a new piece. Ever since my 12 year old decided she was a ‘Swiftie,3’ I’ve had a crash course in all things Taylor Swift, so without further adieu, may I present….
Rooting for the Antihero: A Swiftie Cento
Life was a willow hiding in the curtains, so hold your peace, and book the night train for a reason-- who knows if I never showed up what could've been? Lost in the lights, what you're looking for has been here the whole time, and midnights become my afternoons. I just want to stay in a lavender haze forever and ever, and stare directly at the sun. Remember this moment: Magic. Madness. Heaven. Sin. Long live the mountains we moved, fighting dragons so I can show you incredible things, like a nightmare dressed as a daydream. I close my eyes and the flashbacks start: wearing a nice dress, staring at the sunset, lightning on my feet, high heels on cobblestones, Queen of sand castles and the lights of Manhattan Isn't it delicate? That promise to be dazzling. Never say never, just say yes and sneak out to the garden. You need to calm down. Shake it off. Why be mad when you could be glad, even if it's just in your wildest dreams a long time coming, forever running for a fortnight there were were and I can still make the whole place shimmer. Do I remember which songs each line comes from? No I do not, because I just jotted random lines down in a notebook while the TS playlist was going on a rainy Saturday morning. But I bet some people could name every one.
I’ll be at Big Rock Creek’s Women’s Expo on May 11th — all of my titles will be available via Twinflower Books, and Mary from Twinflower and I will be on stage in conversation from 11:50am to 12:20 or so.
Yes, I was listening to the actual song called “bittersweet symphony” by the Verve when writing this.
These are the days when I look for my old flip phone to see if it will power back up, but it never does because it broke in half, thus leading to my current status of smartphone user. I will admit I do like not having to go to the bank to deposit checks.
For those who may be unaware, according to Wikipedia, “Swifties are the fandom of the American singer-songwriter Taylor Swift. Regarded by journalists as one of the largest, most devoted and influential fan bases, Swifties are known for their high levels of participation, creativity, community and fanaticism.” I don’t think anyone in my household could be called fanatical about her music, but the songs get played a lot and now I’ve see the Eras tour, so here we are.