How to cultivate a wild child

(in an actual child...or perhaps in yourself)

Yesterday Eva and I took to the lake. (Well, we took to the edge of the lake, where I know the water is maybe a foot deep if that and the ice is solid. This winter the ice has been slow to form..) But to the lake we went, tromping through the brown crackly reeds to find little hiding nooks, reclining on our backs to look up through the cattails, and making our own tracks alongside the ones left by our friends the river otters.

The day was gray and the light rather uninspiring, and there’s still just a dusting of snow, but out we went. And when we came back in to read and relax by the fire later in the afternoon, we were glad we chose to spend time with the wildness that’s right outside our door. I don’t often regret going outside.

Several years ago, when my now eleven year old daughter was a toddler, I developed an online course for caregivers and children called Wild Child: Rewilding Childhood. It was a six week challenge-type program designed to provide some loose structure for folks who were interested in helping the kids in their care get outside more. The online school where the course was housed has been closed now for a number of years, but the ideas, games, suggested outings, and discussion points in the course remain important and useful. Perhaps one of these years I’ll re-launch it, but until then, I’ll just share some of the tips that came into being around the time it was first offered. Maybe they’ll be useful for you, or someone you know, who’s looking to foster a love of the outdoors in a loved one.

I even ended up adapting parts of the course for a chapter in Collisions of Earth and Sky:

If you grew up in the 1980s or earlier, it’s likely you spent much of your free time during childhood running around outside, making forts, chasing butterflies, or just kicking around with the neighborhood kids. Or doing chores, if you lived on a farm. You didn’t have a cell phone, and the video game options were limited. Going outside was the best option, so that’s what you did. (Or it’s what your folks made you do.) According to ample research done since those days, going outside is essential for optimal cognitive and physical development.

Children learn how to adapt to change, overcome challenges, and take healthy risks. They gain courage, build autonomy, and exercise creativity. They figure out what it means to be a part of a community that is bigger than what they can see on a screen and are more likely to develop a sense of responsibility to the earth itself due to being in direct relationship with the natural world. They intimately learn about the nature that is closest to home. They have the opportunity to love and appreciate and protect what they see as part of them.

Most of my childhood was spent living just outside of a small college town in eastern South Dakota. Days in the summer were spent outside in the fields around our five acre plot, picking berries and vegetables in the garden (enthusiastically…some of the time) and strategically placing dolls and toy animals in various little nooks and crannies around the homestead. Spring was muddy and wet, but that just meant there were streams in the back in which to splash. Fall was about apples and jumping in piles of leaves and waiting for the first snowflake. Winter was all about burrowing into the snow, sledding down the hills in the neighbor’s pasture and questing to “lost lake” otherwise known as the frozen cow pond.¹   My three brothers and I roamed.

Now that I have my own child, as she grows I’ve been doing my best to cultivate the conditions that will help her develop into her best self.  I want her to be able to function in the human world, whatever society looks like by the time she’s navigating her way through it on her own terms.  I also want her to be able to question the status quo and think for herself.  Most of all, I want to give her a childhood that allows her to be on intimate terms with the wonder and beauty and life that is so often missed when caught in the throes of modern life.  Of course she, not I as her parent, gets to decide what matters to her when all is said and done, and there are some things that are inherent, regardless the experiences that punctuate one’s early life.  But what I can do is take her outside regularly (and not pack her every waking hour with activities). Kids need opportunities to make their own adventure and write their own stories.

At the end of the day, only a caregiver, in partnership with their child, knows what is going to serve their unique needs best. What follows are some ideas on how to cultivate the space that is conducive to fostering a childhood that is wild and free and full of opportunity to thrive.

1: Simplify!

Get rid of toys that are broken and donate what hasn’t been touched in six months. (Best done when the kids aren’t present…and to avoid crisis, don’t FULLY remove the items from your possession til you know they won’t be missed.²) Set toy gift limits with grandparents when necessary.³ If they are old enough to understand, invite your children to select 5-7 toys to keep “out”. Put the rest in the closet or somewhere out of sight-the attic or basement is even better. Rotate periodically to keep things fresh. Stick to the rule of “one toy in, one toy out” to keep the stuff in your child’s room from becoming overwhelming again. Limit toys with batteries. Remember that things like sticks, ropes, boxes, swaths of fabric, and old clothes for dress up make great playthings.

2: Let the kids get dirty.

Leave the handmade sweaters that can only be dry-cleaned at home and embrace dirt, mud, grass stains, and everything else that comes from moving around outside. Worldwide studies based on children’s lifestyles demonstrate that early exposure to a healthy dose of bacteria is a key factor to a strong immune system later in life. Getting dirty is key to developing a healthy immune system!

3: Learn about the native plants and animals in your immediate area.

There’s great power in knowing your non-human neighbors. Get some regional identification books, visit local nature centers, and embrace the local flora and fauna. Learn about some edible plants, and forage some ethically.⁴ Pick a spot in a natural area close to home and observe the wildlife activity in each season. Take a naturalist-led community ed class. Turn over a rotted log and see what’s under it. Become bird watchers. Lots of options.

4: Provide opportunities and then step back.

Young people are more likely to build authentic relationships with the natural world if they do it without feeling like it’s just another thing to check off their requirement list. Caregivers can provide direction and structure along the way, but the children are more likely to grow to love the earth on their own terms. Agency and ownership of choice is a powerful combination no matter how old you are.

5: Try not to hover.

Safety with young children is important, yet allowing opportunities to fall and get back up again are important learning experiences. Life is best experienced through an energy of curiosity and joy, rather than one punctuated with fear and worry. Children — like all living things — are fragile, resilient, delicate, and sturdy all rolled into one. When they are young, they need protection and care from those who love them. They need concerned attention and hand holding….to a point. What they don’t need is to grow up in the shadow of fear for what might happen if they try something on their own.

6: Think like a mentor.

There’s a place for instruction, to be sure. Kids love to learn and are teachable little sponges. But there is so much power in walking side by side and letting the child set the pace of the learning. Encourage the children in your care to embrace nature by walking beside them and exploring it yourself. Young people watch their caregivers closely, and even when it doesn’t seem like they are watching….they are! If you foster a love and appreciation for the natural world in your own story and invite the children in your life to walk with you on the journey, everyone benefits.

As for me, I plan to continue to do my best to give my child a chance to live in a way that reminds her she isn’t separate from nature.  I won’t always do the ‘right’ thing and she won’t always want to do what I think she should.⁵  But I can offer my own love for the wilds of the world as a demonstration that we are part of the earth, and I can give her the gift of roaming, exploring, and existing close to nature.  Wildness runs through our veins, and we need to remember to feel it.  I think children know that when they come into the world, and it’s up to us as caregivers to not let them forget (especially when dominant culture wants to tell them otherwise). Maybe we’ll even reclaim a bit of our own wild along the way.

What helps you get the kids in your charge, or yourself, outside lately?

1. Oh the adventures we had on lost lake. If you’ve seen the movie The Neverending Story, picture Morla, the Ancient One (i.e. the turtle in the swamp of sadness). So much ‘trekking’ through the prairie version of the swamp of sadness.

2. More than once I’ve gotten rid of a thing that I’m SURE won’t be missed, just to hear, usually a day or two after the thrift store run, “Mom where’s _____? I need it.” Now I get rid of things in stages. Box. Basement. Trunk of car. THEN thrift store.

3. I know this is easier said than done. And grandparents, I know it’s so fun to get kids all the things. (Ask for a list! That way the kiddos get what they truly desire and you gift something that’s truly useful (or at least wanted..)

4. When in doubt, do not eat the thing you’re wondering about, especially if it is a mushroom.

5. Especially as she gets older….