Another round of layoffs. Not me this time, like it was six Octobers ago. But friends, close colleagues, supervisors, people I have been working closely with on projects and communicating with daily won’t be at work tomorrow. I remember what it was like, those moments right after getting the news I was being let go—the numb disbelief, the haze that cloaked the rest of the day making everything seem fuzzy, just a little out of focus. Nothing felt real and everything seemed TOO real at the same time. It’s easy to want to reach out, say I’ve been there, offer advice. For some1, that could be what is needed and welcomed. For others, the day of and those immediately after getting life-altering news, the need is to get quiet, go inward, sit within the dark walls of wondering and uncertainty. Some may punch (hopefully inanimate) things or run extra miles, while others will wrap themselves in soft blankets, drink large glasses of wine, eat comfort food. Some will reach out for help right away, others will wait. Tears, frantic job searches, calls to insurance or the bank, screaming in the carpool line. There is no one right way to cope. There is just what you need to do to be with the grief and rage and fear that rises when a big loss occurs.
For those that remain on the job, there is survivor’s guilt, anxiety over increased workloads, wondering if you’re next, updating your resume just in case. Relief that it wasn’t you this time. For those who have had to make the decisions that led to layoffs (decisions that impact real human lives, lives that gave energy every day to furthering the company’s mission) there may be sadness, anxiety, wondering if there was anything else you could have done to prevent this, anger at yourself at the mistakes that contributed to it coming to letting people go. Hope that this is the last time and fear that it isn’t.
I had six weeks of work (required to collect the severance package) before my last day at that job that I didn’t chose to leave—and for those six weeks it was pretty damn hard to show up and do a decent job interacting with clients. Many let go recently had a much shorter window which is also clearly not ideal in its abruptness. There is no good way to do a layoff. There is just what happens and how you navigate through it. There is just bearing witness to the hard feelings as they come and allowing space for glimmers of light to lift you up when they find their way through the cracks.
Assurance
Some days
you feel cracked open,
conquered in the worst way
yet somehow still breathing—
air going in
and out
in
and out
finding the cracks &
seeping through them,
allowing them to be there,
acknowledging defeat.
Yet there's a light
in the distance, a beacon
even a cracked open thing
can make it to.
Finally, a word on What Comes Next2
There is beauty and there is destruction, and they are existing side by side. This is not new—it’s been happening since the dawn of time. It will keep happening for the rest of our human lifetimes. So my plan is to take the beauty that I find wherever I am, whatever my employment status, whatever life decides to dish out next, and use it to fuel myself with active hope. To focus on what I can control, notice the beauty of the earth, and refuse to let someone speak for me if I don’t agree with what they are saying. To use my privilege in ways that are life-giving. To let the contrasts that tend to define life illuminate the options that are there when I am ready to uncover them. To build my capacity to lead in the quiet ways that suit best. To let my life be strengthened by the persistent beauty of the world.
If you find yourself wanting to offer advice….take a pause, reflect on who you are talking to, and get permission if it really feels like the best move.
When I experienced my own job loss back in 2016, I ended up writing a small book about it— so wanted to offer it at a big discount if you or a loved one are going through this hard thing presently. Just use whatcomesnext50 as a code at checkout at this link. If that's not finacially feasible, just send me a note. I have a few extra copies that I can send out, too.